A list of the things that are wrong with this situation!
1. She is in control
2. She is more worried about her and Grant than she is Landon
3. Grant is being very sneaky
4. They will be meeting in Vegas for a weekend without me
Well let start to tackle this list but not in the order you may think lets start with item 3 Grant being sneaky.so out of the blue he gets a phone call from his ex. not just any ex his SONS mother who also just happens to be the one girl who (although he will never admit it) he still has feels for. Yes I know he is not IN lover with her but I know I can tell that he still has feelings for. so how am I suppose to handle this support his all the way. Let him work through it alone don't pressure him to tell you what he thinks or how he feels. And Heaven forbid you ask what is going through her head although I am female I know what she is thinking. If he fell in love with me once I bet he will do it again especially since he is such a good guy and wants to do whats right for Landon. So all I have to do is flirt a little and talk about the good old days and about how much I have changed. But no Im not suppose to ask I just wait. He will come to me when he is ready. Well let me tell you that is bull shit! And also what I will do. I will lay in bed and wait for him to be done "building a relationship" with the one girl who has ever meant something to him and is now the mother of his son before he rolls over and talks to me or pays me any attentions. I will lay awake for hours thinking about whats going to happen. Weather that mean he wakes up one day and decides to tell me that he needs to be with her to figure out what is best for Landon or that they have unresolved issues that he needs to leave me for. Or the ever more popular they never got closer. Or better yet he actually stands up for himself and US and tell her that there is nothing between them and she either grow up and be a mother for her son and let Grant be a father or she needs to go crawl under whatever rock she came out from under and let Grant and me for that matter go on with life. Now despite how this may sound is not necessarily the way that I want it to happen but is honestly the way I see it happening. Either way I get screwed by either losing the one person who means the world to me or seeing that one person get his heart torn out of his chest once again by this Women. That right there is the hole reason this whole situation is going to make me lose my mind! In case you missed it the fact that... I don't know weather or not I should say situation or her neither of witch have anything to do with me have be ability to turn my entire world upside down and that is why this whole situation just sucks beyond words.
On a different note I am completely pissed that I have been thrown into the type of custody battle that I have promised myself that I would never put myself into. If I were to ever have a child and the relationship between me and the father didn't work out for whatever reason I would decide that I either wanted him to be apart of that child's life or not! No games none of this settling because he is the father or giving him a million chances. And most of all telling him to leave (or letting him choose to leave and then come back when he is ready) and them come back have a chance to have a part of this child's life but only by my terms. I have seen many many people and children hurt by this game now not only am I thrown into it but I have no control in it.
That is new to me being; in a situation where I have no control. Im use to thing like money and time getting in the way but never a basic since of control. Just waiting to see what will come of your life. It sucks.... more than any words can describe. Mostly because all I can think of is the worst possible way this can turn out.
Why I dislike her for starters she is trying to take Grant away from me. She is a girl she thinks she is entitled to him. And that she deserves him because she needs a father for her son. Well let me tell you honey; that's not how things work. You need to quit being so self centered and worry about your son. Come to terms with that fact that you aren't getting him back so suck it up and work something out so that Landon has parents that will show him how to live life to its fullest; even when you are thrown into situations that suck as much as this one.
And one more reason that this whole situation sucks because the best that could happen is Grant gets to talk to him or skype him or see him a few times a year. And that to me is not a parent. Honestly why waste everyone's time and energy. Being a parent isn't about a long distance relationship or sending presents for Christmas or his birthday its about being there for the little things all his first. Being there to kiss his scraped hands and knees when he fall down or teaching him to ride is bike or to get up with him when he has a bad dream or wets the bed. To teach him to be himself and not worry about what the other kids are saying or dong. And to treat others with the respect that you expect back from them and to open doors for girls and everything else about being a gentleman. And that life doesn't hand you a damn thing you have to work for everything. In my opinion if you aren't there everyday to teach and do these thing for them then don't waste anyone's time. And it suck because I don't think that its Grants or for that fact Jeanne's fault. It was best for everyone that they went their own ways to learn and grow from there mistakes and they did but now its too late to go back and fix the past. They cant change who they were or how things worked out; what they can and need to do is move on. let the past be the past and continue to grow for the better don't get stuck on the what could have been or how good (or bad) it was just move on.
AHHH..... the trip to Vegas. Just another way I am left completely out of the loop. I understand that its not my situation; but at the same time I have said before it completely affect my life in ways that I have already stated. Then there are the simple reasons that are built into my genes just because I am a girl; example I am not ok with the fact that this girl is the one girl from Grants past that meant and still means something to him. AKA I am threatened by their past and the fact that she is the mother of his son ( I will never be able to put into words how much I hate this fact.) and for these reasons NO I don't want them meeting or even have to go threw this building a relationship thing. But I am excepting these things and still love Grant with all my heart. Not saying that it doesn't take me back to being a kid and wishing I had powers to change things; but hey a trip down memory lane that could be considered a plus to this whole mess.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Ok so these last few days have been… lets say busy so here is what I have been doing…
So me and Amy getting all ready to leave fine and dandy EXCEPT she is always running late! By the time she was ready and mother got lost we ended up getting to the airport at 11:20 and our flight left at noon; luckily the airport was dead and we made it through security on time and all was well… well that is if you consider having to be pulled aside to do the naked screen search with the pat down and everything “well“ (they even searched through my hair!). And now we are on the plane everything’s going good we get to salt lake city where we had a lay over for an hour so the first thing we do is find out were (we thought) our next gate was. And decide to wander a little get some coffee laugh at people who are late and running like crazies to get to there gates. You know last minute sisterly bonding, after that we go back to our “gate” where we were suppose to start boarding. We get there and look around and notice we are the only ones there so we ask an airport worker dude were everyone is and he looks at us and says your at gate B and you need to be at D… that’s clear across the airport he gives us directions and tells us we will never make it they will have the doors closes. And that’s when Amy (who only had 2 bags and I had 3) takes off running and says “oh bull shit we wont, we cant miss this flight!” and so now as I’m sure you can imagine we are running like crazies with all our bags across this HUGE airport; people are laughing and dodging us; now this is the sad part we get half way there and we are dying, we cant breath our legs are about to give out… and then I start to think, surly she wont let the plane leave without me, so I start to walk. And laughing at her as she runs like a crazy. So we get there and thankfully they were running 15 min behind so we just made it in time to board! Then once we get on the plane we both are coughing like 100 year old smokers our lungs are burning and legs are shaking and people were just looking at us like we are going to die… and so for the rest of the trip we had this horrible cough. But once we got here everything was good we just hung out with Marilyn and Vic.
Now yes day one was busy but day two was scary! We got up early for housing orientation we get there no problems they feed us and we got the same speech that we got in highschool no drinking no drugs. But one difference is here, if anyone in your apartment is caught with or doing anything in the apartment they shouldn’t be, and you don’t report it, it falls under the guilty by association thing, so I could get into just as much trouble as them for not doing anything. Well in my mind I was thinking this is a not an easy school to get into and its pretty expensive (epically the housing) so surly these people don’t want to do anything that will get them in trouble… well I was wrong! We went over to check out my apartment and meet my roommate and we get there and knock on the door and no one answers so I unlock it and go in thinking no one is home, so we are in there just looking around and I go to open up the laundry room door and all of a sudden the door behind me pops open and there standing is (and I mean this in the most respectful not racist way) the most GHETTO looking black girl I have ever seen, her hair is sticking out every where and she has on some hooker shorts and tank top; she doesn’t say a word just gives us a dirty look and shuts the door. Me and Amy just looked at each other like OHHH MY GOD! So we look around some more and in the kitchen on the fridge is a hand written page long note that starts with you better start cleaning up your f****** s*** I’m not doing it anymore and just goes on and on so once again we are like OH GOD. So then she walks out and introduces herself as O and ask if the RA’s were around and we said no so she pulls out this cigar, lights it and says good I like to break the rules… walks out the door leaving it wide open and goes and gets another ghetto girl and they start talking about how she was still asleep because she was up until 5 that morning drinking. So me and Amy get out the door and are like we are going back to the school right now to get a new apartment! So we go and do that, then we went to meet the new one, well she also smokes both weed and cigarettes. But she tries to not do it when people are around; so basically we are trying to get me a car asap so I can live with Marilyn and Vic. Not only will it save me 12,000 dollars, I don’t run the risk of them finding out my roommates break all the rules and getting expelled from school! Not that I have a problem with people smoking weed because 70 present of my friends at home do it but they know to keep it far away from me and that I don’t want to hear about it. And they cant get me kicked out of a school that I worked my butt off trying to get into!
Now for day 3 (god it feels like we have been here for a month with all the crap we have had to get done). New student orientation once again same old be respectful try hard speech. But when that was over I got to meet all my instructors, who seem awesome they gave us the kitchen is a place of discipline weather we are at school or running the 17 restaurants at the MGM we come fully dressed with kitchen safe shoes, our assigned pants, jacket, apron, hat, and neckerchief, hair must be completely under my hat, no jewelry, nail polish, heavy makeup, or perfume, tattoos better not be visible, pants have to be hemmed so they fit properly and if any of this is wrong or they can see the shirt I have on under my jacket I will be asked to leave class and not return until its fixed. All but one of my books is an e book so they can go on my nook (the school is trying to become all electronic, starting with culinary) but the one book I do have is my art history book and it is HUGE I don’t even know if its going to fit in my bag! I also got my knife kit which is AWESOME! (for $800 it should be) but that comes with 5 knives with blade covers and a sharpener, a vegetable peeler, a meet fork, spatula (rubber and fish), thermometer, bowl scraper, tongs, whisk, measuring spoons, melon baller, pastry bag with 5 tips, an exoglass spoon, a cut ruler, pliers. To be honest I am surprised I don’t have to have some kind of license to carry it… who needs pepper spray when I have to carry this with me at all times.
Well I think that about covers it, classes start Monday (I cant wait) I have… well it seems as though I have misplaced my schedule, I have 4 classes 6 days a week, but 2 classes are in the lab cooking and 2 are lecture. Marilyn and Vic are a big help the have told me a million time if I ever need anything to just call, and I am more than welcome to stay here when I get a car. Marilyn wants us to set up a time so once a week so we can touch base by going shopping, hiking out to dinner whatever. They also told me I can come over on the weekends. She has all these people my age she thinks I should meet (haha 2 of which are Andy’s sons… she is bound determined to hook us up)
Well now that we have all this “business” discussed I have a few random thoughts!
FIRST off, every where you drive here there are landscaping people and every time I see them I just think “ what is your puropes? There are no leaf shedding trees, no grass its just a bunch of ROCK! so what in the world are they doing!?! And every time I asked Amy to pull over so I could ask, she said NO.
Secondly, seeing people out here in big coats and scarves boots and hats and gloves in 50 degree weather is just about the funniest thing someone from Iowa can see. I don’t think it will ever get old, I just laugh every time I see people!
OH and one last thing I can have a hermit crab in my apartment! Whoo!
Ok I will talk to you later lol you never know when you will get an email update… although I don’t think they will be this long, it has just been a VERY busy few days! The only person I have really talked to is mother and that is because she calls no joke 15 times a day, and because she doesn’t get the time difference they start coming at about 5 every morning!
So me and Amy getting all ready to leave fine and dandy EXCEPT she is always running late! By the time she was ready and mother got lost we ended up getting to the airport at 11:20 and our flight left at noon; luckily the airport was dead and we made it through security on time and all was well… well that is if you consider having to be pulled aside to do the naked screen search with the pat down and everything “well“ (they even searched through my hair!). And now we are on the plane everything’s going good we get to salt lake city where we had a lay over for an hour so the first thing we do is find out were (we thought) our next gate was. And decide to wander a little get some coffee laugh at people who are late and running like crazies to get to there gates. You know last minute sisterly bonding, after that we go back to our “gate” where we were suppose to start boarding. We get there and look around and notice we are the only ones there so we ask an airport worker dude were everyone is and he looks at us and says your at gate B and you need to be at D… that’s clear across the airport he gives us directions and tells us we will never make it they will have the doors closes. And that’s when Amy (who only had 2 bags and I had 3) takes off running and says “oh bull shit we wont, we cant miss this flight!” and so now as I’m sure you can imagine we are running like crazies with all our bags across this HUGE airport; people are laughing and dodging us; now this is the sad part we get half way there and we are dying, we cant breath our legs are about to give out… and then I start to think, surly she wont let the plane leave without me, so I start to walk. And laughing at her as she runs like a crazy. So we get there and thankfully they were running 15 min behind so we just made it in time to board! Then once we get on the plane we both are coughing like 100 year old smokers our lungs are burning and legs are shaking and people were just looking at us like we are going to die… and so for the rest of the trip we had this horrible cough. But once we got here everything was good we just hung out with Marilyn and Vic.
Now yes day one was busy but day two was scary! We got up early for housing orientation we get there no problems they feed us and we got the same speech that we got in highschool no drinking no drugs. But one difference is here, if anyone in your apartment is caught with or doing anything in the apartment they shouldn’t be, and you don’t report it, it falls under the guilty by association thing, so I could get into just as much trouble as them for not doing anything. Well in my mind I was thinking this is a not an easy school to get into and its pretty expensive (epically the housing) so surly these people don’t want to do anything that will get them in trouble… well I was wrong! We went over to check out my apartment and meet my roommate and we get there and knock on the door and no one answers so I unlock it and go in thinking no one is home, so we are in there just looking around and I go to open up the laundry room door and all of a sudden the door behind me pops open and there standing is (and I mean this in the most respectful not racist way) the most GHETTO looking black girl I have ever seen, her hair is sticking out every where and she has on some hooker shorts and tank top; she doesn’t say a word just gives us a dirty look and shuts the door. Me and Amy just looked at each other like OHHH MY GOD! So we look around some more and in the kitchen on the fridge is a hand written page long note that starts with you better start cleaning up your f****** s*** I’m not doing it anymore and just goes on and on so once again we are like OH GOD. So then she walks out and introduces herself as O and ask if the RA’s were around and we said no so she pulls out this cigar, lights it and says good I like to break the rules… walks out the door leaving it wide open and goes and gets another ghetto girl and they start talking about how she was still asleep because she was up until 5 that morning drinking. So me and Amy get out the door and are like we are going back to the school right now to get a new apartment! So we go and do that, then we went to meet the new one, well she also smokes both weed and cigarettes. But she tries to not do it when people are around; so basically we are trying to get me a car asap so I can live with Marilyn and Vic. Not only will it save me 12,000 dollars, I don’t run the risk of them finding out my roommates break all the rules and getting expelled from school! Not that I have a problem with people smoking weed because 70 present of my friends at home do it but they know to keep it far away from me and that I don’t want to hear about it. And they cant get me kicked out of a school that I worked my butt off trying to get into!
Now for day 3 (god it feels like we have been here for a month with all the crap we have had to get done). New student orientation once again same old be respectful try hard speech. But when that was over I got to meet all my instructors, who seem awesome they gave us the kitchen is a place of discipline weather we are at school or running the 17 restaurants at the MGM we come fully dressed with kitchen safe shoes, our assigned pants, jacket, apron, hat, and neckerchief, hair must be completely under my hat, no jewelry, nail polish, heavy makeup, or perfume, tattoos better not be visible, pants have to be hemmed so they fit properly and if any of this is wrong or they can see the shirt I have on under my jacket I will be asked to leave class and not return until its fixed. All but one of my books is an e book so they can go on my nook (the school is trying to become all electronic, starting with culinary) but the one book I do have is my art history book and it is HUGE I don’t even know if its going to fit in my bag! I also got my knife kit which is AWESOME! (for $800 it should be) but that comes with 5 knives with blade covers and a sharpener, a vegetable peeler, a meet fork, spatula (rubber and fish), thermometer, bowl scraper, tongs, whisk, measuring spoons, melon baller, pastry bag with 5 tips, an exoglass spoon, a cut ruler, pliers. To be honest I am surprised I don’t have to have some kind of license to carry it… who needs pepper spray when I have to carry this with me at all times.
Well I think that about covers it, classes start Monday (I cant wait) I have… well it seems as though I have misplaced my schedule, I have 4 classes 6 days a week, but 2 classes are in the lab cooking and 2 are lecture. Marilyn and Vic are a big help the have told me a million time if I ever need anything to just call, and I am more than welcome to stay here when I get a car. Marilyn wants us to set up a time so once a week so we can touch base by going shopping, hiking out to dinner whatever. They also told me I can come over on the weekends. She has all these people my age she thinks I should meet (haha 2 of which are Andy’s sons… she is bound determined to hook us up)
Well now that we have all this “business” discussed I have a few random thoughts!
FIRST off, every where you drive here there are landscaping people and every time I see them I just think “ what is your puropes? There are no leaf shedding trees, no grass its just a bunch of ROCK! so what in the world are they doing!?! And every time I asked Amy to pull over so I could ask, she said NO.
Secondly, seeing people out here in big coats and scarves boots and hats and gloves in 50 degree weather is just about the funniest thing someone from Iowa can see. I don’t think it will ever get old, I just laugh every time I see people!
OH and one last thing I can have a hermit crab in my apartment! Whoo!
Ok I will talk to you later lol you never know when you will get an email update… although I don’t think they will be this long, it has just been a VERY busy few days! The only person I have really talked to is mother and that is because she calls no joke 15 times a day, and because she doesn’t get the time difference they start coming at about 5 every morning!
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Hoping VS Embracing
This is something I wrote a while ago and just found on my computer...
So I have decided that its better to go through life embracing the things that make you happy not expecting them. Now if that’s true then that brings me to this question is there a difference between expecting and hoping/wishing? and if so what is it the difference between hoping/ wishing for something or someone to make you happy and expecting it…. The embracing part is easy if he wants to talk to me or hold my hand and kiss me that wonderful and I will love every second of if but hoping and wishing is I want to say to risky its like if I expect it to happen and it doesn’t happen then I end up getting hurt and isn’t that what my walls are suppose to be stopping….. He proves it “wishing is where u want it really bad and you’ll do anything for it… and expecting is when you know it will make you happy” it’s the wanting that gets you into trouble. When you want something so badly you’ll do anything for it that’s great when it comes to something that will make you happy but someone is different. What if you are willing to do whatever you have to get your happiness and the other person isn’t then what do you do… that is why to save your self heartache you don’t think to hard about anything you just go with the flow and enjoy whatever you get
So I have decided that its better to go through life embracing the things that make you happy not expecting them. Now if that’s true then that brings me to this question is there a difference between expecting and hoping/wishing? and if so what is it the difference between hoping/ wishing for something or someone to make you happy and expecting it…. The embracing part is easy if he wants to talk to me or hold my hand and kiss me that wonderful and I will love every second of if but hoping and wishing is I want to say to risky its like if I expect it to happen and it doesn’t happen then I end up getting hurt and isn’t that what my walls are suppose to be stopping….. He proves it “wishing is where u want it really bad and you’ll do anything for it… and expecting is when you know it will make you happy” it’s the wanting that gets you into trouble. When you want something so badly you’ll do anything for it that’s great when it comes to something that will make you happy but someone is different. What if you are willing to do whatever you have to get your happiness and the other person isn’t then what do you do… that is why to save your self heartache you don’t think to hard about anything you just go with the flow and enjoy whatever you get
Thursday, November 18, 2010
just way to weird
Ok so we all know I dated Chris… yes Ashlyns Chris as if that wasn’t weird enough, I can handle that. But what I just cant get over is the reason we broke up is because he was “best friends” my friend Cassidee and wouldn’t talk to me about anything he always ran to her…. So a week after we broke up she calls me at work freaking out saying she needs to talk to me its important, so I take break and go talk to her (thinking that she was gonna die or someone was pregnant). And the first thing out of her mouth was “you can totally hit me if you want” ( and of course I laughed, because I never hit anyone) and at this point I just tell her to tell me… so she dose, she says her and Chirs kind of have “a thing” and it took everything I had not to laugh, I was just like ok… I need to know this why… I’m not stupid I knew what was going on. I just cant believe she did it, I mean I thought there was some kind of “girl code” that says you cant date your best friends ex…. Let alone take them from her. But anyways she acted like it was some big deal and I honestly didn’t care. Although if she only knew what people said about her for doing that, the general public of our small town didn’t take the news. I think everyone questioned their friendship with her after that. Even though I told them I really didn’t care.
But anyway back to the point I just could never get over how weird it was… I mean she did she think it was ok… granted I didn’t care the rest of the world did. But she would give me all these details (which is something I don’t do) like it was any guy. Why would she think I wanted to hear that. She thinks its completely normal. WHO DOSE THAT haha It honestly cracks me up to think she went about it the way she did. And now that they broke up she cant get over it and he has moved on just fine. I just don’t know what to say to her. She is keeps telling me I’m her best friend she needs me and wants to hang out ALL the time… its kinda creepy. Is this now friends are suppose to be I mean none of my close girl friends date, and I keep that part of my life to myself… (well except when I talk to Andrew) well surly I will never have to deal with something this weird again..
But anyway back to the point I just could never get over how weird it was… I mean she did she think it was ok… granted I didn’t care the rest of the world did. But she would give me all these details (which is something I don’t do) like it was any guy. Why would she think I wanted to hear that. She thinks its completely normal. WHO DOSE THAT haha It honestly cracks me up to think she went about it the way she did. And now that they broke up she cant get over it and he has moved on just fine. I just don’t know what to say to her. She is keeps telling me I’m her best friend she needs me and wants to hang out ALL the time… its kinda creepy. Is this now friends are suppose to be I mean none of my close girl friends date, and I keep that part of my life to myself… (well except when I talk to Andrew) well surly I will never have to deal with something this weird again..
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
next chapter of life... I hope
So I have done the community collage thing it was just dandy, but it really wasn’t what I wanted, so I have to decided to up and move away from everything I know and love to go to culinary school. Yep im doing what is never done in the town I am from. For one there is no way I would be able focus on school and only school. I don’t want to feel obligated to baby sit for my mom or sister. And I don’t want to hear all the small town drama. And get lectures from all my friends every time I want to stay home and study or skip a party. I hate to see it but I don’t see any of my friends getting out of our small town ( like I say this is something that is said but never done). This is horrible to say I must admit but its true. The truth is I don’t feel bad saying it nobody but Andrew and Cassidee are truly excited for me and they really are the only ones who believe that I will. Now people don’t have to be excited to believe in me but God would it kill them to lie to me and at least pretend like they are. Everyone is entitled to their option but lets all keep in mind the if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all. I mean is it really necessary to tell me that “you’ll never make it you will come running home to mommy” or “ ya right you will never do it” or my personal favorite “your just doing it for attention” and believe it or not I didn’t tell anyone about my plan until I started applying for schools for the simple fact, that I figured this is how people would react so for all the people who think that’s the reason its clearly not! Any ways on happier note, I am outrageously excited like to the point I want to cry from excitement every time I think about it. Then I turn around and think what if I don’t get in then what will I do. But I guess I will just work on one plan at a time; and if it fails then I will worry about a plan B. but hopefully Cassidee and Andrew are right and I get in!!! oh how amazing that would be
Sunday, March 28, 2010
boys boys boys
boys... what can I say I love em even with the heartache and trouble they bring I prefer them over girls any day.... you can say I have had my fair share of boys the only thing is mine seem to all come at once there is Skylar,Joey,Eric,Chris and of course Andrew
Skylar, as time goes on and I meet other guys I see us just being friends we are very different in a lot of ways and our interests just arnt the same
Joey, AWWW Joey he is one of my latest issues... I would love nothing more but to be with Joey I am even totally OK with him wanting Nichole (because I know that will never happen) I wish he would make some kind of move to let me know he cares, even though he wants Nichole for the moment there is still something that draws me to him...the question is how long well I be willing to wait for him????
Eric,of course probely the hottest guy I have ever met I am so confused by him its not even funny I know he has feeling for me but fines Evey excuse in the book to not let me know... then turns around and makes me feel like everything between us can be OK and then not talk to me for months, not going to lie it hurt but it came to the point that I was done waiting so I have deleted his number and am trying to forget him... even though deep deep down I still wait.....
Chris, oh Chris (as in ashlyns Chris) I'm so happy that he got away from her but I didn't think that me being there and talking to him would draw him to me in a more than Friend way, I hated pulling the friend card on him because deep down I know that if him and ashlyn wernt him and ashlyn to that extreme and I wasn't so involved in it that I would so be attracted to him... he is still the perfect guy but I just cant bring myself to get over it....
Andrew, lol still my favorite person in the world although it seems like we don't talk nearly as often as I would like
Skylar, as time goes on and I meet other guys I see us just being friends we are very different in a lot of ways and our interests just arnt the same
Joey, AWWW Joey he is one of my latest issues... I would love nothing more but to be with Joey I am even totally OK with him wanting Nichole (because I know that will never happen) I wish he would make some kind of move to let me know he cares, even though he wants Nichole for the moment there is still something that draws me to him...the question is how long well I be willing to wait for him????
Eric,of course probely the hottest guy I have ever met I am so confused by him its not even funny I know he has feeling for me but fines Evey excuse in the book to not let me know... then turns around and makes me feel like everything between us can be OK and then not talk to me for months, not going to lie it hurt but it came to the point that I was done waiting so I have deleted his number and am trying to forget him... even though deep deep down I still wait.....
Chris, oh Chris (as in ashlyns Chris) I'm so happy that he got away from her but I didn't think that me being there and talking to him would draw him to me in a more than Friend way, I hated pulling the friend card on him because deep down I know that if him and ashlyn wernt him and ashlyn to that extreme and I wasn't so involved in it that I would so be attracted to him... he is still the perfect guy but I just cant bring myself to get over it....
Andrew, lol still my favorite person in the world although it seems like we don't talk nearly as often as I would like
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