why why why

So I’m laying here trying to figure out why the barrier around my heart is so high is it because I have had my heart broken or it from me seeing others get there heart broken or maybe its just I see so many bad relationships that im starting to think there aren’t any good ones out there. I think part of my problem is that im so worried about not being able to find some one who understands me or someone who is willing to try. when I see Joey I see a male version of me he is probably the only person I can look at and not even a guess at what he is thinking and I think that is the thing that draws me to him because when I look at him I see me I can guess what other people might think he is thinking but I know that he is thinking something completely different. I remember him talking about how he hate opening up to people weather it’s a girl or one of the guys and I just looked at him that just made me think that he could be the one who understand me and even more it made me want to know him what would he say if he saw this and does he think the same about me, he treats me differently than most other people just the way he looks at me it makes me feel like he is dying to tell me something but cant find the words and he is scared because like me he doesn’t know who he can trust, I wish there was some way I could read his mind. That would be AMAZING. But I don’t think that is going to happen anytime soon so I hope that something happens so that w can find out more about this person I call joey. I don’t think I can stress how much this kills me I can usually look and get to know someone just a little and have them figured out but for some reason with him I cant I have hung out with him more than once in all kinds of situations and heard others talk about him but for some reason I cant figure him out. It makes me wonder if this is what people think when they see me walking down the hall could this be the reason so many are intimidated by me simply because they cant read me….I wish I could change that I wish I could let the whole world see me like… well Andrew I still don’t know how he of all people just gets me but I am very thankful, think I am more of an Andrew to most people and I only have him sometimes I think its unfair but then I think about all the people who don’t have Andrews. If only I met a guy who I was attracted to who understood me like him I would be in heaven. I’m still young so hopefully I do but that is a whole another entry so I think ill stop here and tomorrow ill get to my thoughts on marriage.