I must apologize I haven’t been here for a long time I’m been busy dealing with life and haven’t had time to think let alone blog but none the less I’m here now and I have a few thoughts for you guys… my first one has been bothering me for a long time now can some one please explain to me how people can be so manipulative what brings this to my mind you might ask the one and only Chris and Ashlyn. I don’t understand how people and I mean people in world can be so good and getting what they want and be so narrow minded and be so worried about themselves and what they want and what they can do to get it. And what I hate the most is when I think about the world in general from what I know its Americans who tend to have this way of thinking and we for some reason we think we have this upper hand to the rest of the world when really what is so different now granted we as a country we night have somewhat of an upper hand but instead of having the haha we are better that you attitude to the rest of the world we need to be thinking about how we can continue to improve as a country and how we fix our problems because if you ask me if we have people running to Mexico for their health care then we have some serous problems and along as we are in a war and our economy is crashing because we are so worried about how we can make our own life’s better. Now don’t get me wrong I know there are a lot of people out there who work there butts off to give us the life that we have and millions of people who are willing to give there life to protect our rights and safety I am thankful every second for them and it kills me to have people willing to do that and have some who sit on there butts and live off welfare and not do a thing for anyone else now I can go on forever about this but I think this is good for now well its off to the mall for Christmas shopping.

The story of Skylar

So have you ever had the feeling inside you where you..... I want to say need/want someone or something well I do and I hate it. Explain you ask OK this post is about the one and only SKYLAR! Now Skylar graduated last year now I guess you can say we met on facebook when I transferred to Adel he found me on facebook and told me I should come to one of his soccer games and I just though sure why not I like sports I know nothing about soccer but you know whatever, anyways so after that we started to talk all the time on facebook I mean ALL the time we would talk everyday most days for HOURS, So to make a long story short one day we were talking and he told me that this girl who he had a HUGE crush on and who also played with his mind and heart called him and wanted to "fix" things, (little did I know I liked him whole lot more than I though) when I heard this my heart dropped. I seriously wanted to do nothing but go to bed and cry. I thought that we both kinda liked each other but maybe I was wrong. So what did I do some how (I still to this day don't know how i did it) pulled myself together and told him that if he liked her then he needed to call her and fix things
THEN he told me "I don't know what i want, I mean I liked her for so long but all she did was hurt me and besides I kinda have a thing for this other girl" at this point I was confused. All I could think about was OMG there's ANOTHER girl I didn't even know about!! And yet I some how continued to give him advice on what to do (as I recall I told him that he needed to try and fix thing with the old girl or he will always have that "what if......" thought in his head and would never be able to completely move on)
AND THEN he told me maybe I was right and that oh, by the way that "other girl" was ME! So at the end of this conversation I was lost I didn't know what I was thinking. So things went on like normal we talked all the time I fell for him more. But 3 or 4 weeks later there were pics of him and this other girl all over facebook and he was always talking about how excited he was to see her and hang out when I saw all this it seriously broke my heart into a million pieces, thank god I saw this on a Friday I cancelled all my plans and stayed home and laid in bed and cried the ENTIRE weekend I text my friend Ambre and said I'm shutting my phone off for the weekend and just cried.
Well the weekend eventually ended and Monday came so I tried to pull myself together for school and I did pretty good until 3 hr choir the class we both had. For some reason I was late so when I walked in I had to walk by his spot, Still I was doing good I knew if I looked at him I would lose it right there in front of everyone so I just looked straight a head and went to my spot and didn't look at him for 5 whole min but then I did not only look at him he was looking at me, so we are standing there stareing right at each other I tried to look away but couldn't, I could tell that he saw the hurt in my eyes and that I was starting to tear up, at that moment he knew he had broken my heart and he just got this look of oh my god I'm so sorry and what have I done, so we didn't talk for a while. Then when we did talk again it was just small talk.

Its been just small talk ever since but to this day I feel like he is the one I want to cuddle with and be with but I cant ever tell him any of this because I cant handle having my heart broken again .......

I am extremely happy to report that my sister is out of surgery and doing OK, to give you a little background on her she is a short gut baby which basically means her biological did a bunch of drugs while she was pregnant with her and that caused her a lot of damage the worst one was when she was born half of her small intestine was dead so they had to remove it well that's where you absorb nutrients from the food that you eat so she as a feeding tube where she gets a vitamin and nutrient enriched formula well as if that isn't hard enough on her 2 weeks she had a confirmed case of H1N1 and it hit her hard she been going down hill for a while and she lost a bunch of weight and her organs were starting to shut down so what the drs had to do was but a line in her heart that will but nutrients right into her blood cus her body isn't absorbing it any other way, they say she will have the line in for a least a month so she can get better and put on some weight so ill keep you posted

Now for Andrew he is not my boyfriend but some time I wonder if he likes me as more than a friend which would suck cus I would never ever want to hurt him

well I know this is one of my shorter post lol and I am leaveing some good gossip out but that can all wait til the morning right now, now that Iknow aubrey OK I myself am only running on 6 hours of sleep in the last two days so im going to go get some sleep

Well I might just be in for another sleepless night, you see I just found out my little sister is going to be having a major surgery tomorrow so I am freaking out, but.... Iam a whole lot calmer thanks to the one and only super amazing Andrew.....oh what would I do without Andrew I am so thankful for him,
You see I know not many people have an Andrew he is that one person who is ALWAYS there for me weather I'm sick in bed and he brings me ice cream or I have had a Horrible day I can call or text him and he will always listen and know exactly what to say to make me smile. He will stay up all night and talk to me even if he is so tired he is about to pass out, I love that he likes me for me and not just cus I'm some hot girl he wants to sleep with.
So remember if you know an Andrew be sure to thank them and let them know how much they mean to you....... And to all the Andrews out there keep being the amazing person you are!

So I'm definitely starting to wish I went to bed before 3 Because A)I'm sick as hell I cant breath and now being tired is NOT going but oh well I guess you could blame this all on being a teenager, I am actually hoping I don't have H1N1 I know I know I am sick of hearing about it but I have reason to be worried my 5 year old little sister was a confirmed case and is now in the hospital so I'm not crazy, but I still have to go to school so..... that is gong to suck I have been slacking off all last weeks so I am behind which SUCKS. BUT ANYWAYS oh yeah there where a few things I forgot to say about Emily in my big post about her 1) the reason I worry about her so much is because I am terrified that she is going to end up just like her MOTHER! or something because at this point every time my phone rings in the back of my mind I cant help but think that it is someone calling to tell me something has happened to Emily and I for some reason know I would blame myself, I know that I would think if I was there to be babysitting her I could have stopped her but I also have to balance those thought with Emily is a big girl she can take care of herself (even though I know she cant when she drinks) and that I cant stop living my life or stop having my fun to take care of her....

So I think my next subject will be.... well I guess its a subtopic to friends but whatever, it will be Emily now I love this girl to death she is super sweet funny and outgoing but, she has a few MAJOR problems and her biggest one is her mother, she has seriously got to be one of the lowest excuses for a mother I have ever seen. She is practically an alcoholic she tries to control all of her kids but she not only thinks, but tells Emily she is worthless that she will never become anything that she is ruining both of there life cus all she dose is sneak around doing bad things all the time (which yes like me, Em is not perfect she gets in just as much trouble as the next teenager but nothing like what her mom thinks) and I cant tell you how much it kills me to hear this, I come from a very supportive family and I still think life is hard I cant imagine how Emily dose it she works and goes to school so its not like she is lazy. Oh I forgot to mention how crazy her mom is not only dose she drink all the time her husband wont let her get a job because he thinks she will cheat on him (even though he is cheating on her and the whole family knows) so she has nothing better to do and make Emily's life hell, she gets a print out of all activity on Ems phone I mean everything text messages who she called who called her how long she talked to them everything, so yes Emily dose have to speak in code so her mom doesnt know who or what she is talking about because none of Ems friends are good enough. So yes I think we can all agree her mom is a crazy B**** but anyway back to Em so this last year has been hard on her she dose drink too much and she is starting to hang with the wrong people now me and Emily's friend Ashlyn (who let me tell you is a whole nother story) are trying to get her through the year for one ALIVE yes she has been known to do stupid things when she drinks, and two to help her realize that she needs to/ can get away from her mother but lately its not been going so well, you see one of her big problems is Emily needs to be wanted and needed but whats weird is she wont let anyone in example, now considering how messed up her life is Emily can pick some good guys but the thing with her is she is afraid of getting hurt, so she dates these guys who she likes but once she starts to feel like they like her too much SHE RUNS! just like the movies, its like she has to hurt them before they hurt her and let me tell you she has really really hurt some guys and it kills me to watch but there is nothing I can do. So the latest guys is Chris now they have been dating for a few months and you can tell that he really dose love her and he is good for her he keeps her out of trouble, BUT I think Em is starting to feel like he is too good to be true and she is about to run. Actually I think she did run Saturday night now, I could be wrong but this is the story, so Chris is in the Army so he went to drill this weekend well that leaves Emily unsupervised well, like I said she feels like she needs to run so where did she run you might ask, to JOEY now Joey is one of the guys she really hurt, and I love Joey but I'm not going to lie he is a man Whore,(there will be more Joey to come) anyways back to the story so Friday Joey text Em and says he wants to talk, now even though he is a man whore I honestly believe he just wanted to talk. So Saturday night Emily is trashed (and let me tell you when Emily drinks she is the biggest horn dog I have ever seen) so she has Joey come over now I don't have the ending to this story......yet, but i can tell you it ends 1 of 2 ways 1 her and Joey did something that shouldn't have (I know she tried something I know her) or Joey kept to his word and they just talked. Believe me when I get the ending I will let you know. So yes one of things you will probably hear more about is Emily!! so keep reading

ok this is where I start with my thoughts which topic should I start with love, firends, life, or the oh so popular topic of PARTYING. I think i should start by telling you it is 1:37 in the morning and I so have school tommorrow and a bunch og homework to do but I need to get some of these thoughts out of my head so I think we will start with explainting my latest hurdle in life ok so you know I curently go to school in Adel but all my friends are in Winterset well even though I needed out last year I have come to the conclusion that no mater how dramitic or childish people in Winterset act I LOVE them and all of the them the sults and man whores geeks preps you name it im sure there is someone like them in Winterset. Now dont get me wrong I like Adel people too but I made a point to not make friends with them because it would be to hard to balance life between 2 schools. even though Im not inrolled in Winterset its like I never left I go there every weekend I still talk to everone there I go to all there school functions, and I thought that when I transferd I would be ok with not being able to walk at graduation with Winterset well with graduation ariveing sooner that I want I realize that I love them so much if I cant walk with them then I dont want to walk at all and even thought its like I never left there is something inside of me that tells me I need to be back there all the time because time is something we dont have enough of and I dont want to waste it by not being with my friends everyday. So now I am working on getting things set up so I will be back with the ones that I love after Christmas break

Ok here I am finally a place where I can put all my thoughts a place where nobody who knows me can find them which is exactly where I need them to be, and let me tell you why... I live in a small town, now I'm sure you all have heard that everybody knows everybody in a small town well it is SO true, now that is not always a bad thing but when you are in highschool (which I am, a seinor none the less) you have to be very careful what you tell who especally in a small town highschool and well I (like my title) have a lot of thoughts that I must let out so what better place than a blog so here I am, I think the thing im going to like the most about this is that NOONE will know I have it not even my best friend Amber (she will be a key charechter) who I tell EVERYTHING so I dont have to worry about who sees it. Another thing I will say this now I am not perfect (and if I come across like I think I am I'm sorry please tell me cus thats not how Iwant to be) and sometimes I need advice and I need someone to tell my if my way of thinking is wrong. lol and who better to do that then some random person I dont know.
So now you know why I'm here so where to begin...... well a little about my life sounds good, so I have a huge family 6 brothers and 3 sisters to be exact, I live with my mother who I do not get along with basicly I balance life between 2 towns and family. Now when I say 2 towns I mean Winterset and Adelnow I dont live in either of those towns but I grew up in Wnterset (thats the small town I refer to) that is where all my firends and family live, well last year was a tough year for me so to make a long story short I had to get way from everything in that town so I transferd schools to adel were I pretend to be antisocial (which is hard bucause I am a very outgoing social person) because I dont want to make friends there because I have all my friends in Winterset. Right now I have my 14 cousins liveing with me (that makes a total of 18 people in one house) but they will be moveing soon. I think that is the basic layout of my life now but by reading this blog you can follow my crazy life! lol it will be a fun ride