Everyone has an interest or some sort weather its art, history, sports or anything along those lines but there is one particular interest that I am thinking of and that is music. Music can affect people like drugs it amazes me to see how much it can affect people it can completely change someone’s mood in 30 seconds to see the…passion that people have for it is insane to think how people devote there life to it how they are so inspired. How some one can sit with an instrument and tell stories and express there feelings more clearly than they ever could with words. I love that people feel this way, it brings the world together think about it people from all over the world peacefully no fighting no arguing no violence its mind blowing I am out of words to try to explain how completely amazing

why why why

So I’m laying here trying to figure out why the barrier around my heart is so high is it because I have had my heart broken or it from me seeing others get there heart broken or maybe its just I see so many bad relationships that im starting to think there aren’t any good ones out there. I think part of my problem is that im so worried about not being able to find some one who understands me or someone who is willing to try. when I see Joey I see a male version of me he is probably the only person I can look at and not even a guess at what he is thinking and I think that is the thing that draws me to him because when I look at him I see me I can guess what other people might think he is thinking but I know that he is thinking something completely different. I remember him talking about how he hate opening up to people weather it’s a girl or one of the guys and I just looked at him that just made me think that he could be the one who understand me and even more it made me want to know him what would he say if he saw this and does he think the same about me, he treats me differently than most other people just the way he looks at me it makes me feel like he is dying to tell me something but cant find the words and he is scared because like me he doesn’t know who he can trust, I wish there was some way I could read his mind. That would be AMAZING. But I don’t think that is going to happen anytime soon so I hope that something happens so that w can find out more about this person I call joey. I don’t think I can stress how much this kills me I can usually look and get to know someone just a little and have them figured out but for some reason with him I cant I have hung out with him more than once in all kinds of situations and heard others talk about him but for some reason I cant figure him out. It makes me wonder if this is what people think when they see me walking down the hall could this be the reason so many are intimidated by me simply because they cant read me….I wish I could change that I wish I could let the whole world see me like… well Andrew I still don’t know how he of all people just gets me but I am very thankful, think I am more of an Andrew to most people and I only have him sometimes I think its unfair but then I think about all the people who don’t have Andrews. If only I met a guy who I was attracted to who understood me like him I would be in heaven. I’m still young so hopefully I do but that is a whole another entry so I think ill stop here and tomorrow ill get to my thoughts on marriage.

family VS honesty

So I have come to the conclusion that one of the hardes things to balence in life is honesty and family. I mean we are always taught that we should be honest and on the other hand you always put family first so what do you do when you have to tell your cosin that she is a a stupid whore. I know I know thats a horriable thing to say but even though she is family how dose that make her any differnt form one of my friend or any random person. So my problem... should I tell her what I think or just keep my mouth when it comes to my pro and con list the shut your mouth side is longer and is filled with more reasons to make my life easier but the tell her side is filled with more its the right thing to do reasons. So I guess I will continue to compare list and see what happens