A list of the things that are wrong with this situation!
1. She is in control
2. She is more worried about her and Grant than she is Landon
3. Grant is  being very sneaky
4. They will be meeting in Vegas for a weekend without me


Well let start to tackle this list but not in the order you may think lets start with item 3 Grant being sneaky.so out of the blue he gets a phone call from his ex. not just any ex his SONS mother who also just happens to be the one girl who  (although he will never admit it) he still has feels for. Yes I know he is not IN lover with her but I know I can tell that he still has feelings for. so how am I suppose to handle this support his all the way. Let him work through it alone don't pressure him to tell you what he thinks or how he feels. And Heaven forbid you ask what is going through her head although I am female I know what she is thinking. If he fell in love with me once I bet he will do it again especially since he is such a good guy and wants to do whats right for Landon. So all I have to do is flirt a little  and talk about the good old days and about how much I have changed. But no Im not suppose to ask I just wait. He will come to me when he is ready. Well let me tell you that is bull shit! And also what I will do.  I will lay in bed and wait for him to be done "building a relationship" with the one girl who has ever meant something to him and is now the mother of his son before he rolls over and talks to me or pays me any attentions. I will lay awake for hours thinking about whats going to happen. Weather that mean he wakes up one day and decides to tell me that he needs to be with her to figure out what is best for Landon or that they have unresolved issues that he needs to leave me for. Or the ever more popular they never got closer. Or better yet he actually stands up for himself and US and tell her that there is nothing between them and she either grow up and be a mother for her son and let Grant be a father or she needs to go crawl under whatever rock she came out from under and let Grant and me for that matter go on with life. Now despite how this may sound is not necessarily the way that I want it to happen but is  honestly the way I see it happening. Either way I get screwed by either losing the one person who means the world to me or seeing that one person get his heart torn out of his chest once again by this Women. That right there is the hole reason this whole situation is going to make me lose my mind!  In case you missed it the fact that... I don't know weather or not I should say situation or her neither of witch have anything to do with me have be ability to turn my entire world upside down and that is why this whole situation just sucks beyond words.
On a different note I am completely pissed that I have been thrown into the type of custody battle that I have  promised myself that I would never put myself into. If I were to ever have a child and the relationship between me and the father didn't work out for whatever reason I would decide that I either wanted him to be apart of that child's life or not! No games none of this settling because he is the father or giving him a million chances. And most of all telling him to leave (or letting him choose to leave and then come back when he is ready) and them come back have a chance to have a part of this child's life but only by my terms. I have seen many many people and children hurt by this game now not only am I thrown into it but I have no control in it.
That is new to me being; in a situation where I have no control.  Im use to thing like money and time getting in the way but never a basic since of control. Just waiting to see what will come of your life. It sucks.... more than any words can describe. Mostly because all I can think of is the worst possible way this can turn out.
Why I dislike her for starters she is trying to take Grant away from me. She is a girl she thinks she is entitled to him. And that she deserves him because she needs a father for her son. Well let me tell you honey; that's not how things work. You need to quit being so self centered and worry about your son. Come to terms with that fact that you aren't getting him back so suck it up and work something out so that Landon has parents that will show him how to live life to its fullest; even when you are thrown into situations that suck as much as this one.
And one more reason that this whole situation sucks because the best that could happen is Grant gets to talk to him or skype him or see him a few times a year. And that to me is not a parent. Honestly why waste everyone's time and energy. Being a parent isn't about a long distance relationship or sending presents for Christmas or his birthday its about being there for the little things all his first. Being there to kiss his scraped hands and knees when he fall down or teaching him to ride is bike or to get up with him when he has a bad dream or wets the bed. To teach him to be himself and not worry about what the other kids are saying or dong. And to treat others with the respect that you expect back from them and to open doors for girls and everything else about being a gentleman. And that life doesn't hand you a damn thing you have to work for everything. In my opinion if you aren't there everyday to teach and do these thing for them then don't waste anyone's time. And it suck because I don't think that its Grants or for that fact Jeanne's fault. It was best for everyone that they went their own ways to learn and grow from there mistakes and they did but now its too late to go back and fix the past. They cant change who they were or how things worked out; what they can and need to do is move on. let the past be the past and continue to grow for the better don't get stuck on the what could have been or how good (or bad) it was just move on.
AHHH..... the trip to Vegas. Just another way I am left completely out of the loop. I understand that its not my situation; but at the same time I have said before it completely affect my life in ways that I have already stated. Then there are the simple reasons that are built into my genes just because I am a girl; example I am not ok with the fact that this girl is the one girl from Grants past that meant and still means something to him. AKA I am threatened by their past and the fact that she is the mother of his son ( I will never be able to put into words how much I hate this fact.) and for these reasons NO I don't want them meeting or even have to go threw this building a relationship thing. But I am excepting these things and still love Grant with all my heart. Not saying that it doesn't take me back to being a kid and wishing I had powers to change things; but hey a trip down memory lane that could be considered a plus to this whole mess.

Ok so these last few days have been… lets say busy so here is what I have been doing…
So me and Amy getting all ready to leave fine and dandy EXCEPT she is always running late! By the time she was ready and mother got lost we ended up getting to the airport at 11:20 and our flight left at noon; luckily the airport was dead and we made it through security on time and all was well… well that is if you consider having to be pulled aside to do the naked screen search with the pat down and everything “well“ (they even searched through my hair!). And now we are on the plane everything’s going good we get to salt lake city where we had a lay over for an hour so the first thing we do is find out were (we thought) our next gate was. And decide to wander a little get some coffee laugh at people who are late and running like crazies to get to there gates. You know last minute sisterly bonding, after that we go back to our “gate” where we were suppose to start boarding. We get there and look around and notice we are the only ones there so we ask an airport worker dude were everyone is and he looks at us and says your at gate B and you need to be at D… that’s clear across the airport he gives us directions and tells us we will never make it they will have the doors closes. And that’s when Amy (who only had 2 bags and I had 3) takes off running and says “oh bull shit we wont, we cant miss this flight!” and so now as I’m sure you can imagine we are running like crazies with all our bags across this HUGE airport; people are laughing and dodging us; now this is the sad part we get half way there and we are dying, we cant breath our legs are about to give out… and then I start to think, surly she wont let the plane leave without me, so I start to walk. And laughing at her as she runs like a crazy. So we get there and thankfully they were running 15 min behind so we just made it in time to board! Then once we get on the plane we both are coughing like 100 year old smokers our lungs are burning and legs are shaking and people were just looking at us like we are going to die… and so for the rest of the trip we had this horrible cough. But once we got here everything was good we just hung out with Marilyn and Vic.
Now yes day one was busy but day two was scary! We got up early for housing orientation we get there no problems they feed us and we got the same speech that we got in highschool no drinking no drugs. But one difference is here, if anyone in your apartment is caught with or doing anything in the apartment they shouldn’t be, and you don’t report it, it falls under the guilty by association thing, so I could get into just as much trouble as them for not doing anything. Well in my mind I was thinking this is a not an easy school to get into and its pretty expensive (epically the housing) so surly these people don’t want to do anything that will get them in trouble… well I was wrong! We went over to check out my apartment and meet my roommate and we get there and knock on the door and no one answers so I unlock it and go in thinking no one is home, so we are in there just looking around and I go to open up the laundry room door and all of a sudden the door behind me pops open and there standing is (and I mean this in the most respectful not racist way) the most GHETTO looking black girl I have ever seen, her hair is sticking out every where and she has on some hooker shorts and tank top; she doesn’t say a word just gives us a dirty look and shuts the door. Me and Amy just looked at each other like OHHH MY GOD! So we look around some more and in the kitchen on the fridge is a hand written page long note that starts with you better start cleaning up your f****** s*** I’m not doing it anymore and just goes on and on so once again we are like OH GOD. So then she walks out and introduces herself as O and ask if the RA’s were around and we said no so she pulls out this cigar, lights it and says good I like to break the rules… walks out the door leaving it wide open and goes and gets another ghetto girl and they start talking about how she was still asleep because she was up until 5 that morning drinking. So me and Amy get out the door and are like we are going back to the school right now to get a new apartment! So we go and do that, then we went to meet the new one, well she also smokes both weed and cigarettes. But she tries to not do it when people are around; so basically we are trying to get me a car asap so I can live with Marilyn and Vic. Not only will it save me 12,000 dollars, I don’t run the risk of them finding out my roommates break all the rules and getting expelled from school! Not that I have a problem with people smoking weed because 70 present of my friends at home do it but they know to keep it far away from me and that I don’t want to hear about it. And they cant get me kicked out of a school that I worked my butt off trying to get into!
Now for day 3 (god it feels like we have been here for a month with all the crap we have had to get done). New student orientation once again same old be respectful try hard speech. But when that was over I got to meet all my instructors, who seem awesome they gave us the kitchen is a place of discipline weather we are at school or running the 17 restaurants at the MGM we come fully dressed with kitchen safe shoes, our assigned pants, jacket, apron, hat, and neckerchief, hair must be completely under my hat, no jewelry, nail polish, heavy makeup, or perfume, tattoos better not be visible, pants have to be hemmed so they fit properly and if any of this is wrong or they can see the shirt I have on under my jacket I will be asked to leave class and not return until its fixed. All but one of my books is an e book so they can go on my nook (the school is trying to become all electronic, starting with culinary) but the one book I do have is my art history book and it is HUGE I don’t even know if its going to fit in my bag! I also got my knife kit which is AWESOME! (for $800 it should be) but that comes with 5 knives with blade covers and a sharpener, a vegetable peeler, a meet fork, spatula (rubber and fish), thermometer, bowl scraper, tongs, whisk, measuring spoons, melon baller, pastry bag with 5 tips, an exoglass spoon, a cut ruler, pliers. To be honest I am surprised I don’t have to have some kind of license to carry it… who needs pepper spray when I have to carry this with me at all times.
Well I think that about covers it, classes start Monday (I cant wait) I have… well it seems as though I have misplaced my schedule, I have 4 classes 6 days a week, but 2 classes are in the lab cooking and 2 are lecture. Marilyn and Vic are a big help the have told me a million time if I ever need anything to just call, and I am more than welcome to stay here when I get a car. Marilyn wants us to set up a time so once a week so we can touch base by going shopping, hiking out to dinner whatever. They also told me I can come over on the weekends. She has all these people my age she thinks I should meet (haha 2 of which are Andy’s sons… she is bound determined to hook us up)
Well now that we have all this “business” discussed I have a few random thoughts!
FIRST off, every where you drive here there are landscaping people and every time I see them I just think “ what is your puropes? There are no leaf shedding trees, no grass its just a bunch of ROCK! so what in the world are they doing!?! And every time I asked Amy to pull over so I could ask, she said NO.
Secondly, seeing people out here in big coats and scarves boots and hats and gloves in 50 degree weather is just about the funniest thing someone from Iowa can see. I don’t think it will ever get old, I just laugh every time I see people!
OH and one last thing I can have a hermit crab in my apartment! Whoo!
Ok I will talk to you later lol you never know when you will get an email update… although I don’t think they will be this long, it has just been a VERY busy few days! The only person I have really talked to is mother and that is because she calls no joke 15 times a day, and because she doesn’t get the time difference they start coming at about 5 every morning!

Hoping VS Embracing

This is something I wrote a while ago and just found on my computer...
So I have decided that its better to go through life embracing the things that make you happy not expecting them. Now if that’s true then that brings me to this question is there a difference between expecting and hoping/wishing? and if so what is it the difference between hoping/ wishing for something or someone to make you happy and expecting it…. The embracing part is easy if he wants to talk to me or hold my hand and kiss me that wonderful and I will love every second of if but hoping and wishing is I want to say to risky its like if I expect it to happen and it doesn’t happen then I end up getting hurt and isn’t that what my walls are suppose to be stopping….. He proves it “wishing is where u want it really bad and you’ll do anything for it… and expecting is when you know it will make you happy” it’s the wanting that gets you into trouble. When you want something so badly you’ll do anything for it that’s great when it comes to something that will make you happy but someone is different. What if you are willing to do whatever you have to get your happiness and the other person isn’t then what do you do… that is why to save your self heartache you don’t think to hard about anything you just go with the flow and enjoy whatever you get

just way to weird

Ok so we all know I dated Chris… yes Ashlyns Chris as if that wasn’t weird enough, I can handle that. But what I just cant get over is the reason we broke up is because he was “best friends” my friend Cassidee and wouldn’t talk to me about anything he always ran to her…. So a week after we broke up she calls me at work freaking out saying she needs to talk to me its important, so I take break and go talk to her (thinking that she was gonna die or someone was pregnant). And the first thing out of her mouth was “you can totally hit me if you want” ( and of course I laughed, because I never hit anyone) and at this point I just tell her to tell me… so she dose, she says her and Chirs kind of have “a thing” and it took everything I had not to laugh, I was just like ok… I need to know this why… I’m not stupid I knew what was going on. I just cant believe she did it, I mean I thought there was some kind of “girl code” that says you cant date your best friends ex…. Let alone take them from her. But anyways she acted like it was some big deal and I honestly didn’t care. Although if she only knew what people said about her for doing that, the general public of our small town didn’t take the news. I think everyone questioned their friendship with her after that. Even though I told them I really didn’t care.
But anyway back to the point I just could never get over how weird it was… I mean she did she think it was ok… granted I didn’t care the rest of the world did. But she would give me all these details (which is something I don’t do) like it was any guy. Why would she think I wanted to hear that. She thinks its completely normal. WHO DOSE THAT haha It honestly cracks me up to think she went about it the way she did. And now that they broke up she cant get over it and he has moved on just fine. I just don’t know what to say to her. She is keeps telling me I’m her best friend she needs me and wants to hang out ALL the time… its kinda creepy. Is this now friends are suppose to be I mean none of my close girl friends date, and I keep that part of my life to myself… (well except when I talk to Andrew) well surly I will never have to deal with something this weird again..

I am sorry for whoever just tried to message me.... I walked away from the computer for a few min... but thanks for the complement, hope to talk to you again

next chapter of life... I hope

So I have done the community collage thing it was just dandy, but it really wasn’t what I wanted, so I have to decided to up and move away from everything I know and love to go to culinary school. Yep im doing what is never done in the town I am from. For one there is no way I would be able focus on school and only school. I don’t want to feel obligated to baby sit for my mom or sister. And I don’t want to hear all the small town drama. And get lectures from all my friends every time I want to stay home and study or skip a party. I hate to see it but I don’t see any of my friends getting out of our small town ( like I say this is something that is said but never done). This is horrible to say I must admit but its true. The truth is I don’t feel bad saying it nobody but Andrew and Cassidee are truly excited for me and they really are the only ones who believe that I will. Now people don’t have to be excited to believe in me but God would it kill them to lie to me and at least pretend like they are. Everyone is entitled to their option but lets all keep in mind the if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all. I mean is it really necessary to tell me that “you’ll never make it you will come running home to mommy” or “ ya right you will never do it” or my personal favorite “your just doing it for attention” and believe it or not I didn’t tell anyone about my plan until I started applying for schools for the simple fact, that I figured this is how people would react so for all the people who think that’s the reason its clearly not! Any ways on happier note, I am outrageously excited like to the point I want to cry from excitement every time I think about it. Then I turn around and think what if I don’t get in then what will I do. But I guess I will just work on one plan at a time; and if it fails then I will worry about a plan B. but hopefully Cassidee and Andrew are right and I get in!!! oh how amazing that would be

boys boys boys

boys... what can I say I love em even with the heartache and trouble they bring I prefer them over girls any day.... you can say I have had my fair share of boys the only thing is mine seem to all come at once there is Skylar,Joey,Eric,Chris and of course Andrew
Skylar, as time goes on and I meet other guys I see us just being friends we are very different in a lot of ways and our interests just arnt the same
Joey, AWWW Joey he is one of my latest issues... I would love nothing more but to be with Joey I am even totally OK with him wanting Nichole (because I know that will never happen) I wish he would make some kind of move to let me know he cares, even though he wants Nichole for the moment there is still something that draws me to him...the question is how long well I be willing to wait for him????
Eric,of course probely the hottest guy I have ever met I am so confused by him its not even funny I know he has feeling for me but fines Evey excuse in the book to not let me know... then turns around and makes me feel like everything between us can be OK and then not talk to me for months, not going to lie it hurt but it came to the point that I was done waiting so I have deleted his number and am trying to forget him... even though deep deep down I still wait.....
Chris, oh Chris (as in ashlyns Chris) I'm so happy that he got away from her but I didn't think that me being there and talking to him would draw him to me in a more than Friend way, I hated pulling the friend card on him because deep down I know that if him and ashlyn wernt him and ashlyn to that extreme and I wasn't so involved in it that I would so be attracted to him... he is still the perfect guy but I just cant bring myself to get over it....
Andrew, lol still my favorite person in the world although it seems like we don't talk nearly as often as I would like

Everyone has an interest or some sort weather its art, history, sports or anything along those lines but there is one particular interest that I am thinking of and that is music. Music can affect people like drugs it amazes me to see how much it can affect people it can completely change someone’s mood in 30 seconds to see the…passion that people have for it is insane to think how people devote there life to it how they are so inspired. How some one can sit with an instrument and tell stories and express there feelings more clearly than they ever could with words. I love that people feel this way, it brings the world together think about it people from all over the world peacefully no fighting no arguing no violence its mind blowing I am out of words to try to explain how completely amazing

why why why

So I’m laying here trying to figure out why the barrier around my heart is so high is it because I have had my heart broken or it from me seeing others get there heart broken or maybe its just I see so many bad relationships that im starting to think there aren’t any good ones out there. I think part of my problem is that im so worried about not being able to find some one who understands me or someone who is willing to try. when I see Joey I see a male version of me he is probably the only person I can look at and not even a guess at what he is thinking and I think that is the thing that draws me to him because when I look at him I see me I can guess what other people might think he is thinking but I know that he is thinking something completely different. I remember him talking about how he hate opening up to people weather it’s a girl or one of the guys and I just looked at him that just made me think that he could be the one who understand me and even more it made me want to know him what would he say if he saw this and does he think the same about me, he treats me differently than most other people just the way he looks at me it makes me feel like he is dying to tell me something but cant find the words and he is scared because like me he doesn’t know who he can trust, I wish there was some way I could read his mind. That would be AMAZING. But I don’t think that is going to happen anytime soon so I hope that something happens so that w can find out more about this person I call joey. I don’t think I can stress how much this kills me I can usually look and get to know someone just a little and have them figured out but for some reason with him I cant I have hung out with him more than once in all kinds of situations and heard others talk about him but for some reason I cant figure him out. It makes me wonder if this is what people think when they see me walking down the hall could this be the reason so many are intimidated by me simply because they cant read me….I wish I could change that I wish I could let the whole world see me like… well Andrew I still don’t know how he of all people just gets me but I am very thankful, think I am more of an Andrew to most people and I only have him sometimes I think its unfair but then I think about all the people who don’t have Andrews. If only I met a guy who I was attracted to who understood me like him I would be in heaven. I’m still young so hopefully I do but that is a whole another entry so I think ill stop here and tomorrow ill get to my thoughts on marriage.

family VS honesty

So I have come to the conclusion that one of the hardes things to balence in life is honesty and family. I mean we are always taught that we should be honest and on the other hand you always put family first so what do you do when you have to tell your cosin that she is a a stupid whore. I know I know thats a horriable thing to say but even though she is family how dose that make her any differnt form one of my friend or any random person. So my problem... should I tell her what I think or just keep my mouth when it comes to my pro and con list the shut your mouth side is longer and is filled with more reasons to make my life easier but the tell her side is filled with more its the right thing to do reasons. So I guess I will continue to compare list and see what happens

I must apologize I haven’t been here for a long time I’m been busy dealing with life and haven’t had time to think let alone blog but none the less I’m here now and I have a few thoughts for you guys… my first one has been bothering me for a long time now can some one please explain to me how people can be so manipulative what brings this to my mind you might ask the one and only Chris and Ashlyn. I don’t understand how people and I mean people in world can be so good and getting what they want and be so narrow minded and be so worried about themselves and what they want and what they can do to get it. And what I hate the most is when I think about the world in general from what I know its Americans who tend to have this way of thinking and we for some reason we think we have this upper hand to the rest of the world when really what is so different now granted we as a country we night have somewhat of an upper hand but instead of having the haha we are better that you attitude to the rest of the world we need to be thinking about how we can continue to improve as a country and how we fix our problems because if you ask me if we have people running to Mexico for their health care then we have some serous problems and along as we are in a war and our economy is crashing because we are so worried about how we can make our own life’s better. Now don’t get me wrong I know there are a lot of people out there who work there butts off to give us the life that we have and millions of people who are willing to give there life to protect our rights and safety I am thankful every second for them and it kills me to have people willing to do that and have some who sit on there butts and live off welfare and not do a thing for anyone else now I can go on forever about this but I think this is good for now well its off to the mall for Christmas shopping.

The story of Skylar

So have you ever had the feeling inside you where you..... I want to say need/want someone or something well I do and I hate it. Explain you ask OK this post is about the one and only SKYLAR! Now Skylar graduated last year now I guess you can say we met on facebook when I transferred to Adel he found me on facebook and told me I should come to one of his soccer games and I just though sure why not I like sports I know nothing about soccer but you know whatever, anyways so after that we started to talk all the time on facebook I mean ALL the time we would talk everyday most days for HOURS, So to make a long story short one day we were talking and he told me that this girl who he had a HUGE crush on and who also played with his mind and heart called him and wanted to "fix" things, (little did I know I liked him whole lot more than I though) when I heard this my heart dropped. I seriously wanted to do nothing but go to bed and cry. I thought that we both kinda liked each other but maybe I was wrong. So what did I do some how (I still to this day don't know how i did it) pulled myself together and told him that if he liked her then he needed to call her and fix things
THEN he told me "I don't know what i want, I mean I liked her for so long but all she did was hurt me and besides I kinda have a thing for this other girl" at this point I was confused. All I could think about was OMG there's ANOTHER girl I didn't even know about!! And yet I some how continued to give him advice on what to do (as I recall I told him that he needed to try and fix thing with the old girl or he will always have that "what if......" thought in his head and would never be able to completely move on)
AND THEN he told me maybe I was right and that oh, by the way that "other girl" was ME! So at the end of this conversation I was lost I didn't know what I was thinking. So things went on like normal we talked all the time I fell for him more. But 3 or 4 weeks later there were pics of him and this other girl all over facebook and he was always talking about how excited he was to see her and hang out when I saw all this it seriously broke my heart into a million pieces, thank god I saw this on a Friday I cancelled all my plans and stayed home and laid in bed and cried the ENTIRE weekend I text my friend Ambre and said I'm shutting my phone off for the weekend and just cried.
Well the weekend eventually ended and Monday came so I tried to pull myself together for school and I did pretty good until 3 hr choir the class we both had. For some reason I was late so when I walked in I had to walk by his spot, Still I was doing good I knew if I looked at him I would lose it right there in front of everyone so I just looked straight a head and went to my spot and didn't look at him for 5 whole min but then I did not only look at him he was looking at me, so we are standing there stareing right at each other I tried to look away but couldn't, I could tell that he saw the hurt in my eyes and that I was starting to tear up, at that moment he knew he had broken my heart and he just got this look of oh my god I'm so sorry and what have I done, so we didn't talk for a while. Then when we did talk again it was just small talk.

Its been just small talk ever since but to this day I feel like he is the one I want to cuddle with and be with but I cant ever tell him any of this because I cant handle having my heart broken again .......

I am extremely happy to report that my sister is out of surgery and doing OK, to give you a little background on her she is a short gut baby which basically means her biological did a bunch of drugs while she was pregnant with her and that caused her a lot of damage the worst one was when she was born half of her small intestine was dead so they had to remove it well that's where you absorb nutrients from the food that you eat so she as a feeding tube where she gets a vitamin and nutrient enriched formula well as if that isn't hard enough on her 2 weeks she had a confirmed case of H1N1 and it hit her hard she been going down hill for a while and she lost a bunch of weight and her organs were starting to shut down so what the drs had to do was but a line in her heart that will but nutrients right into her blood cus her body isn't absorbing it any other way, they say she will have the line in for a least a month so she can get better and put on some weight so ill keep you posted

Now for Andrew he is not my boyfriend but some time I wonder if he likes me as more than a friend which would suck cus I would never ever want to hurt him

well I know this is one of my shorter post lol and I am leaveing some good gossip out but that can all wait til the morning right now, now that Iknow aubrey OK I myself am only running on 6 hours of sleep in the last two days so im going to go get some sleep

Well I might just be in for another sleepless night, you see I just found out my little sister is going to be having a major surgery tomorrow so I am freaking out, but.... Iam a whole lot calmer thanks to the one and only super amazing Andrew.....oh what would I do without Andrew I am so thankful for him,
You see I know not many people have an Andrew he is that one person who is ALWAYS there for me weather I'm sick in bed and he brings me ice cream or I have had a Horrible day I can call or text him and he will always listen and know exactly what to say to make me smile. He will stay up all night and talk to me even if he is so tired he is about to pass out, I love that he likes me for me and not just cus I'm some hot girl he wants to sleep with.
So remember if you know an Andrew be sure to thank them and let them know how much they mean to you....... And to all the Andrews out there keep being the amazing person you are!

So I'm definitely starting to wish I went to bed before 3 Because A)I'm sick as hell I cant breath and now being tired is NOT going but oh well I guess you could blame this all on being a teenager, I am actually hoping I don't have H1N1 I know I know I am sick of hearing about it but I have reason to be worried my 5 year old little sister was a confirmed case and is now in the hospital so I'm not crazy, but I still have to go to school so..... that is gong to suck I have been slacking off all last weeks so I am behind which SUCKS. BUT ANYWAYS oh yeah there where a few things I forgot to say about Emily in my big post about her 1) the reason I worry about her so much is because I am terrified that she is going to end up just like her MOTHER! or something because at this point every time my phone rings in the back of my mind I cant help but think that it is someone calling to tell me something has happened to Emily and I for some reason know I would blame myself, I know that I would think if I was there to be babysitting her I could have stopped her but I also have to balance those thought with Emily is a big girl she can take care of herself (even though I know she cant when she drinks) and that I cant stop living my life or stop having my fun to take care of her....

So I think my next subject will be.... well I guess its a subtopic to friends but whatever, it will be Emily now I love this girl to death she is super sweet funny and outgoing but, she has a few MAJOR problems and her biggest one is her mother, she has seriously got to be one of the lowest excuses for a mother I have ever seen. She is practically an alcoholic she tries to control all of her kids but she not only thinks, but tells Emily she is worthless that she will never become anything that she is ruining both of there life cus all she dose is sneak around doing bad things all the time (which yes like me, Em is not perfect she gets in just as much trouble as the next teenager but nothing like what her mom thinks) and I cant tell you how much it kills me to hear this, I come from a very supportive family and I still think life is hard I cant imagine how Emily dose it she works and goes to school so its not like she is lazy. Oh I forgot to mention how crazy her mom is not only dose she drink all the time her husband wont let her get a job because he thinks she will cheat on him (even though he is cheating on her and the whole family knows) so she has nothing better to do and make Emily's life hell, she gets a print out of all activity on Ems phone I mean everything text messages who she called who called her how long she talked to them everything, so yes Emily dose have to speak in code so her mom doesnt know who or what she is talking about because none of Ems friends are good enough. So yes I think we can all agree her mom is a crazy B**** but anyway back to Em so this last year has been hard on her she dose drink too much and she is starting to hang with the wrong people now me and Emily's friend Ashlyn (who let me tell you is a whole nother story) are trying to get her through the year for one ALIVE yes she has been known to do stupid things when she drinks, and two to help her realize that she needs to/ can get away from her mother but lately its not been going so well, you see one of her big problems is Emily needs to be wanted and needed but whats weird is she wont let anyone in example, now considering how messed up her life is Emily can pick some good guys but the thing with her is she is afraid of getting hurt, so she dates these guys who she likes but once she starts to feel like they like her too much SHE RUNS! just like the movies, its like she has to hurt them before they hurt her and let me tell you she has really really hurt some guys and it kills me to watch but there is nothing I can do. So the latest guys is Chris now they have been dating for a few months and you can tell that he really dose love her and he is good for her he keeps her out of trouble, BUT I think Em is starting to feel like he is too good to be true and she is about to run. Actually I think she did run Saturday night now, I could be wrong but this is the story, so Chris is in the Army so he went to drill this weekend well that leaves Emily unsupervised well, like I said she feels like she needs to run so where did she run you might ask, to JOEY now Joey is one of the guys she really hurt, and I love Joey but I'm not going to lie he is a man Whore,(there will be more Joey to come) anyways back to the story so Friday Joey text Em and says he wants to talk, now even though he is a man whore I honestly believe he just wanted to talk. So Saturday night Emily is trashed (and let me tell you when Emily drinks she is the biggest horn dog I have ever seen) so she has Joey come over now I don't have the ending to this story......yet, but i can tell you it ends 1 of 2 ways 1 her and Joey did something that shouldn't have (I know she tried something I know her) or Joey kept to his word and they just talked. Believe me when I get the ending I will let you know. So yes one of things you will probably hear more about is Emily!! so keep reading

ok this is where I start with my thoughts which topic should I start with love, firends, life, or the oh so popular topic of PARTYING. I think i should start by telling you it is 1:37 in the morning and I so have school tommorrow and a bunch og homework to do but I need to get some of these thoughts out of my head so I think we will start with explainting my latest hurdle in life ok so you know I curently go to school in Adel but all my friends are in Winterset well even though I needed out last year I have come to the conclusion that no mater how dramitic or childish people in Winterset act I LOVE them and all of the them the sults and man whores geeks preps you name it im sure there is someone like them in Winterset. Now dont get me wrong I like Adel people too but I made a point to not make friends with them because it would be to hard to balance life between 2 schools. even though Im not inrolled in Winterset its like I never left I go there every weekend I still talk to everone there I go to all there school functions, and I thought that when I transferd I would be ok with not being able to walk at graduation with Winterset well with graduation ariveing sooner that I want I realize that I love them so much if I cant walk with them then I dont want to walk at all and even thought its like I never left there is something inside of me that tells me I need to be back there all the time because time is something we dont have enough of and I dont want to waste it by not being with my friends everyday. So now I am working on getting things set up so I will be back with the ones that I love after Christmas break

Ok here I am finally a place where I can put all my thoughts a place where nobody who knows me can find them which is exactly where I need them to be, and let me tell you why... I live in a small town, now I'm sure you all have heard that everybody knows everybody in a small town well it is SO true, now that is not always a bad thing but when you are in highschool (which I am, a seinor none the less) you have to be very careful what you tell who especally in a small town highschool and well I (like my title) have a lot of thoughts that I must let out so what better place than a blog so here I am, I think the thing im going to like the most about this is that NOONE will know I have it not even my best friend Amber (she will be a key charechter) who I tell EVERYTHING so I dont have to worry about who sees it. Another thing I will say this now I am not perfect (and if I come across like I think I am I'm sorry please tell me cus thats not how Iwant to be) and sometimes I need advice and I need someone to tell my if my way of thinking is wrong. lol and who better to do that then some random person I dont know.
So now you know why I'm here so where to begin...... well a little about my life sounds good, so I have a huge family 6 brothers and 3 sisters to be exact, I live with my mother who I do not get along with basicly I balance life between 2 towns and family. Now when I say 2 towns I mean Winterset and Adelnow I dont live in either of those towns but I grew up in Wnterset (thats the small town I refer to) that is where all my firends and family live, well last year was a tough year for me so to make a long story short I had to get way from everything in that town so I transferd schools to adel were I pretend to be antisocial (which is hard bucause I am a very outgoing social person) because I dont want to make friends there because I have all my friends in Winterset. Right now I have my 14 cousins liveing with me (that makes a total of 18 people in one house) but they will be moveing soon. I think that is the basic layout of my life now but by reading this blog you can follow my crazy life! lol it will be a fun ride